Reading up on fellow nominees

Today on Alphabet City: Jon Paul has flashbacks of high school debate at a medal ceremony for his memoir.

Over the years, my love affair with golden booty has gotten me into some sticky situations.  I couldn’t keep myself from fingering Whoopi’s Oscar in an episode out of I Love Lucy Alphabet City.  Then there was the time in high school in 1986 when as a visiting young competitive soul I won some loot at the Bronx High School of Science Debate Tournament.  Smart in the classroom but dumb on the streets, I made the questionable decision to ride the 1-train at 1-am and promptly passed out from exhaustion.  I was roused by a conductor somewhere in Brooklyn sans silver platters but at least with my life in tact.

The day before the end of senior year Spring Break at my fancy Dallas prep Greenhill School, some hooligans burned down the high school.  Every kid’s fantasy comes true?  Not mine.  My best friend Valerie and I ignored the yellow tape marking off the crime scene and waded into the still hot rubble where the debate trophy case had once stood.  I fished out some charred remains that I carried with me for years—imagining one day I would triumphantly return them to my alma mater in a special ceremony.  But when I packed up the Alphabet City set for the move to Washington Heights, I finally let go of the sad looking melted platter and goblet—burned beyond all recognition.  It was time to make room for some new accomplishments.

It’s been a long time since I’ve participated in any type of medal ceremony making last night’s 2010 Next Generation Indie Book Awards reception a real treat.  The setting at The Plaza’s Rose Club was a little more fancy than dingy school auditoriums of yesteryear.  Surprisingly, my competitive streak was a little bit tamer.  25 years ago, I remember seething with envy when my nemesis from St. Mark’s bested me in earning a speaking award.  But last night, it was just an honor to be nominated alongside diverse titles like American Idle: A Journey Through Our Sedentary Culture and A Student’s Guide to Being Happy in Argentina.  There was a sense in the room that we all know how hard it is to follow a dream and be an independent author—one of 764,448 “non-traditionally” published last year.  That it’s more important to stick together and be supportive, than divisive and competitive.  And it was lovely to hear those sentiments echoed by literary agent Marilyn Allen of the Allen O’Shea Literary Agency, who spoke of what a delight it is to work with hardworking indie authors.

Truthfully, on the way to the photo-op, I did bump some elbows and push aside a few folks on my way to get my medal—at the end of the day I’m a trophy whore.

Back in PageSix!

Today on Alphabet City: Jon Paul solicits criticism from his fans.

The reviews are in!  Well, not yet, actually.  That’s where you come in.  Alphabet City: My So-Called Sitcom Life is recruiting “citizen book critics” to post some comments on Lulu and Amazon.  Head on over to those sites and tell the world your thoughts on my journey.  Was there a moment that made you laugh?  Cry?  Something you wish I’d done more of?  Less?  (Semi-unrelated sidebar: currently at #4 on Amazon’s Hot New Release-Gay Memoir list–just above Rita Mae Brown?!)

Email me a link to your post or a copy of your tasty morsel from now through March 17 at nycbucky@gmail.com, and as a thank-you several chosen budding book reviewers will receive Alphabet City ephemera.  Maybe a Mary Tyler Moore DVD.  Or a Tyra “InsideOut” book (unsigned).  Sorry, no Whoopi Oscar available (currently).

And don’t worry.  I can take your criticism.  After the storm of controversy surrounding the Tyra’s Olestra intolerance, I’m pretty hardened.  In the midst of the craziness, Jamie at FromMe-ToYou.Tumblr.com reminded me what Andy Warhol said,

Don’t pay any attention to what they write about you. Just measure it in inches.

Words to live by, in so many situations.  My ruler is standing by, ready for action.

Readers of Alphabet City: My So-Called Sitcom life might remember that in Episode 4 the famous gossip columnist Richard Johnson gave me a break when I was a struggling junior publicist for Liza.

Back in PageSix!

Then years later, in Episode 11, I became a bold face name myself in PageSix after an incident involving model Mark Vanderloo at Condé Nast Traveler’s first Hot List party.  Well today, thanks again to Richard and another supermodel media mogul Tyra Banks, I have been re-confirmed as gossip column worthy.  At least this time, I really didn’t have to say anything snarky.  From today’s New York Post PageSix:

Teddy Terrors

Jon Paul Buchmeyer learned plenty from Tyra Banks when he worked as her publicist during her book tour for “Inside Out.” “Chips with the fat substitute Olestra cause Tyra to have intestinal distress,” he writes in his memoir, “Alphabet City,” which chronicled his years working for Whoopi Goldberg, Vanessa Williams and Condé Nast Traveler. Buchmeyer also learned, “Tyra thinks white limos are tacky,” and to beware of fans who bring teddy bears to book signings — “Anyone that showed up at a book signing offering a stuffed animal probably needs a security escort.”

Oh, FYI—today is the last day to help me win the contest by ordering the book…click button at right and use WINTERBOOK code for 10% off!

Thank God for Publicists.  PR professionals enjoyed Even Jesus Had a Publicist enough to catapult that post’s popularity ahead of the two sex-related stories One Night in Bangkok and Hello, Meat Grindr.  Until then, I was beginning to think that only the most prurient details of my life might be enticing to readers.

As a relative newbie to the blogosphere, I wasn’t aware of how much global traffic would be driven to a relatively innocent story about a gay bathhouse in Bangkok.  Hopefully, the readers from Taiwan, Bangladesh, Mumbai, Russia and the Middle East who found Alphabet City by googling “Bangkok massage” enjoyed some of the tamer episodes.

It’s not just the Internet where sex seems to be a connector.  Live sex tales seem to be popular as well as I discovered on Thursday night when I headed back to one of The Moth’s storytelling nights.  Having learned from my disappointing experience in Like Moths to a Flame, this time my friend Shannon and I stood in line outside SoHo’s Housing Works Bookstore & Café starting at 6pm for doors that opened at 7pm.  Theme of the night was “Lost”—and I don’t mean the TV show.  The host of the night, author Dan Kennedy, began the show by saying, “I don’t know why we bother to give the night a theme, because somehow you will turn it into a story about sex.”

And 4 out of 5 storytellers agreed—the first ones up all related their tales to something sexual.  First up was a guy who lusted after his friend’s girlfriend, followed by the guy who last week nearly caused a riot outside Nuyorican Poets Café with his vigilante storytelling.  He spun a tale of unrequited love/sex in the aisles of a Virginia Food Lion.  Then there was a zany story of a religious cult leader deflowering the storyteller when she was 14.  Although intriguing, her tale was much longer than required 5 minutes and at one point included the line “to make a long story short…”  Isn’t that generally the point of time limits and editing?  And I’m still not sure what to make of the nut case whose story included a long riff on the power of being a virus in the Matrix (originality?), and a ski trip to Aspen with a cougar girlfriend whom he volunteers to have sex with an actor/author with whom I was not familiar.  He ended with a lecture about how friends hold you back.  In this case, I wish they had.

While the night was odd, I’m glad I went because now I have a clear strategy.  The next Moth StorySlam theme is “Nerve,” and I was thinking about telling the Whoopi Goldberg Oscar story—I had the “nerve” to pick it up.  But now I’m rethinking.  Maybe a story with a little bit of a sexual angle—like the time I had the nerve to make a pass at Gloria Estefan’s husband while escorting Teri Hatcher to VH-1’s Divas Live.  CLICK HERE to enjoy this excerpt from Alphabet City’s Episode 6: Sex in the City and let me know what you think.

Make sure to read Episode 1 with Whoopi for a little background.  Here’s what happens in between:

* Episode 2—Jon Paul does battle with demons in Texas and then later with Japanese Power Rangers in New York, ultimately winning a fabulous Big Apple apartment

* Episode 3—Jon Paul’s work for a famous NYC Billionaire with food issues lands him a “date” with a guy named “Greasy” who owns an entertainment PR firm.  Jon Paul ends up with a job in celebrity publicity—something for which he has no background or training.

Cue Episode 4: And Nothing But the Truth.

Congrats Tyra on your electoral victory.  I hear Hilary Clinton is looking for some help in the Mid-East and Afghanistan.

Moving from Dallas to Manhattan in his late 20s, Jon Paul Buchmeyer fancied himself a gay Mary Tyler Moore starring in a sitcom of his life that he called Alphabet City.  In this humorous entertainment industry memoir, a series of publicity jobs created madcap storylines, including a mishap with Whoopi Goldberg’s Oscar, a mistaken identity as Tyra Banks’ Turkish boy-toy, and finishing school lessons in the gossipy halls of Condé Nast.  But unlike snarky tell-alls, Alphabet City: My So-Called Sitcom Life maintains a Texas-sized optimistic spirit about life in the Big Apple, with guest appearances from Cameron Diaz, Gloria Estefan, Teri Hatcher, Derek Jeter, Ashley Judd, Rosie O’Donnell, Graham Norton, and Vanessa Williams.  Following Jon Paul’s journey from naive Southerner to wizened New Yorker, Alphabet City combines the glamour of Sex and the City with the warmth of Tales of the City, and has a broad appeal tapping into America’s fascination with the world of celebrities.  In the end, just like Mary, Jon Paul discovers he’s going to make it after all.

Instead of chapters, Alphabet City has “episodes”—just like a sitcom, many of which have been previewed on this blog.  Sample some of my favorite chapters:

Episode 1: It Is Heavy — my hilarious antics with Whoopi’s Oscar.

Episode 4: And Nothing But the Truth — Tyra’s debut as a guest star in my sitcom life

Episode 11: Bold Faced Names — go behind-the-scenes at publishing giant Condé Nast.

Episode 13: Happy Soul — meeting my boyfriend on Gay.com thanks to a clever screen name!

Like what you read?  Please help out an emerging voice by purchasing the book in print or e-book form, by clicking the links to the right.  Because I am publishing independently, a majority of your dollars goes to support me directly.  Also consider signing up for my direct blog feed or following me on twitter.

For more behind-the-scenes photos and exclusive video, explore the links below.

Episodes 1-9: The Celebrity Years including links to excerpts about Whoopi, Tyra, Teri Hatcher and Gloria Estefan!

Episodes 10-17: The Condé Years including links to excerpts about Boy George and Graham Norton.