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Today on Alphabet City: Jon Paul solicits criticism from his fans.

The reviews are in!  Well, not yet, actually.  That’s where you come in.  Alphabet City: My So-Called Sitcom Life is recruiting “citizen book critics” to post some comments on Lulu and Amazon.  Head on over to those sites and tell the world your thoughts on my journey.  Was there a moment that made you laugh?  Cry?  Something you wish I’d done more of?  Less?  (Semi-unrelated sidebar: currently at #4 on Amazon’s Hot New Release-Gay Memoir list–just above Rita Mae Brown?!)

Email me a link to your post or a copy of your tasty morsel from now through March 17 at nycbucky@gmail.com, and as a thank-you several chosen budding book reviewers will receive Alphabet City ephemera.  Maybe a Mary Tyler Moore DVD.  Or a Tyra “InsideOut” book (unsigned).  Sorry, no Whoopi Oscar available (currently).

And don’t worry.  I can take your criticism.  After the storm of controversy surrounding the Tyra’s Olestra intolerance, I’m pretty hardened.  In the midst of the craziness, Jamie at FromMe-ToYou.Tumblr.com reminded me what Andy Warhol said,

Don’t pay any attention to what they write about you. Just measure it in inches.

Words to live by, in so many situations.  My ruler is standing by, ready for action.

My earliest lesson in the power of a personal appeal in the sales process came as a Girl Scout.  From the age of 4, I was an unofficial member (ahem, perhaps official mascot) of my older sisters’ Girl Scout Troop in Dallas.  My mother was the group’s leader with her best friend Martha, and neither of them thought anything about taking me along on hikes and camping trips with all the other preteen girls.

Naturally, I didn’t see anything wrong with it either—I loved the special attention, and thought it was glamorous and fun.  I even learned life-long Girl Scout lessons like “when hiking through the woods, make sure to hold the branch for the person behind you.”  Incidentally, Chef violated this rule while we were hiking through Lord of the Rings territory in New Zealand, and I didn’t speak to him for hours over the indignity.

When I was six, my mother volunteered to be the leader of a new Cub Scouts group in my school.  I lasted for all of a day.  The blue uniforms of the boys’ club were dowdy compared to the chic khaki green of the girls.  Besides, only the girls had the coveted cookies—the highly anticipated concoctions that still make me salivate like Pavlov’s gay dog when I hear the words “Thin Mints.”

So I’m harkening back to those Girl Scout Troop days—and going electronically door-to-door via Facebook, Twitter and this blog to say—please buy my own delicious concoction—Alphabet City: My So-Called Sitcom Life.

Just like the troop of my youth, there’s an incentive for me—sell the most books on lulu.com in the month of February and I could win cash and prizes (sort of like the Showcase Showdown on Price Is Right, my other obsession from my youth).  Until the end of the month, use coupon code WINTERBOOK at checkout for a 10% discount.

Come on, how can you say no to a cute little Girl Scout like me?

Trust me, I’ve never seen the appeal of a “President’s Day Sale.”  Images of Washington and Lincoln don’t motivate me to head out in the cold and purchase new sateen sheets from Macy’s or a flat screen from Best Buy.  But now with my own product to move—Alphabet City: My So-Called Sitcom Life—who knows?  Any port in the storm, right?

Far be it from me not to pass along a 15% savings offered by the printer of the book lulu.com.  Now, through Monday, enter code WASHINGTON (clever, right?) in the coupon field at check out for either the print or e-book edition.

No worries, that $2.25 in savings doesn’t come out of my pocket.  Wonder what happens if you enter LINCOLN instead?